This is something I don't do often: take a self-portrait of myself. It's one of those things where I'm not completely comfortable with sharing how I feel about myself for the camera. In fact, the last time I took one it involved tungsten lighting, a private studio room on campus, and fake cherry blossoms. That was back in 2004. Five years later, earlier tonight, another inclination invited me to give it a try once more.
My portrait is assuredly not the most compelling, but the most telling for the moment. Here I'm not ready to face the camera and I'll tell you why. I'm looking elsewhere for an answer, for directions with a defined destination, and since I don't know what that is I can't face towards you. I'm waiting to figure out my next move in life and that most likely means a relocation.
Recently, I had a conversation with friends where we each had to think of a metaphor that currently describes who we are. My response was a car without it's wheels in an auto shop unable to go anywhere until it's repaired and ready to safely get back on the road again. I feel that God is preparing my heart and mind for the near future and until I'm good to go I am to wait and be diligently where I am. Almost immediately there was disagreement with my choice since I'm seen as someone who is always moving, always creating, and involved with many busy things. They had a good point, but I still see stillness and anticipation.
So, here I am with my parked car in the garage. I've revised my metaphor and this time my car has wheels and is ready to go, except I'm not able to jump in just yet. Maybe next time I share a self-portrait with you there'll be a change. My hope is that there will be. :)
3 comments:
I would have posed you on the hood of the car kinda looking up at the sky in anticipation of where you might go. Or maybe looking out over a cliff or something. But thanks for sharing! I hope you don't go too far. :)
i love this piece. i like what you shared. maybe bc i relate. i was at a stand still 6 months ago. it looked like this:
i walk my path, my journey, amongst a foliage of trees and wild jungle, but suddenly instead of moving i become entertained with a soft path of grass, i was distracted by a lady bug. i stopped everything i was a part of. i really couldn't move forward.
i thought and then i thought some more. endlessly. sleeplessly. until finally i realized that even though i cant understand all that my heart is saying, and i can't decide what future to manifest, i can not stop in the middle of my path either. so i picked up my bag, looked back, looked forward, and began to walk again.
where to, i dont know, but at least im still walking forward with my heart as my guide...
I agree, Dan, that a different setting like out in nature would've been better. It was a random moment and it happened to be in a garage when I'm not so lazy to take a self-portrait. Haha
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, too, Ana. And in a very poetic way :)
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